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June Newsletter (31st May 2015)

Posted 9 years ago on May 31st, 2015

Hello YOU LOT !!!


It’s out on 2 July, but you can pre-order here. Remember, there are no photographs of me shaking hands with famous famous people in it. There is only a drawing that I did of a man’s face.


This is on sale now, at the edfringe website and also The Stand website. Please book early!! Many folks missed out on seeing the last couple of shows in Ed, then had to travel to London or other towns because they didn’t realise I’d become inadvertently and temporarily popular and therefore didn’t feel it necessary to book in advance.

Also, and quite importantly, THIS IS A BRAND NEW SHOW. It’s not a highlights show feature A Ant as previously stated. I don’t know what it’ll be about exactly, but will possibly include some jokes or no jokes about the following things; morality, space, bathroom fittings, football, FIFA, gardening, post-colonial feminism, TERF wars, Hot feminism and racism. It will be 45-50 minutes long, then I will really quickly sign copies of my book at the end if any of you want signed copies????????

That’s it for now. Not really taking on any other work as I’m mainly gigging now but if anything comes up I’ll let you know.

Oh yes, and thanks very much to everyone who came to Soho Theatre to see the last Ungrateful Woman shows. You were all brilliant, apart from one American lady who was walking out the same time as me, didn’t recognise me (presumably because I had a jacket on) and said, “Well, that was absolutely terrible,” to which I replied, “Yes. Not my cup of tea either.”

Oh, I almost forgot. I bought a garment in a charity shop which is a kind of dress/jacket thing. It has dogs all over it and golden buttons. I mean, loads of dogs. Big dogs, not tiny little dogs. It’s a real “statement”. What it’s a statement of, I am yet to work out. One of the big dogs is a black labrador, but there are loads of others too. If you saw me across the road, for example, you would know that I was wearing a dress/jacket type thing with loads of dogs all over it. It’s quite a thing. If I have to go on any square television programmes to promote my FORTHCOMING BOOK – OUT ON JULY THE SECOND, I’m very tempted to wear it, and wear it with something that really doesn’t go with it at all. I am very open to any suggestions as to what I should team it with, and I will try to accommodate any ideas. My main objective is to look like I’ve been dressed by an eccentric, millionaire, 75 year old Italian former fashion designer and model who is now working in interior design and who once dated Roger Moore briefly.

Now, I don’t want to come over all frigid, or come over anything to be honest, but I was driving through Kensington yesterday, and saw a man walking boldly along the pavement, wearing a t-shirt with FUCK GOOGLE on it.
The two O’s in the word Google were replaced with a woman’s two bare breasts. Here is a link to them on Amazon. Now, was he making a political point about Google’s tax evasion? And if so, doesn’t it seem incongruous to protest about corporate tax evasion using an image of an objectified woman? Or is it not about tax evasion at all? If any of you have one of these t-shirts, please let me know what it means, then unsubscribe from my mailing list, you prick.

And finally

I feel completely sick about Labour. The Labour Leadership contest looks like the subplot of a Midsomer Murders episode where the candidates are played by members of the local amateur dramatics society who are staging a production of it, but the whole thing is in disarray because the writer was murdered after coming up with the title (The Labour Leadership Contest) and all the half-decent actors have also now been murdered, leaving the ones who never usually get parts.
Harman is great, but isn’t running, and I like Yvette Cooper, but Labour needs someone really dynamic now, to get us out of the shit pit we’ve sunk into. Someone like Michael Sheen or Miriam Margoyles or Tom Baker or Noel Gallagher. Can’t someone threaten Chuka or intimidate or doorstep his family or just DO something to make him change his mind? Oh, hang on……

Can’t Nicola Sturgeon be our leader? No, I suppose not. Anyway, let’s not think about all that now.