Yesterday I realised that I’ve been combining the two very different stories of Puss in Boots and Dick Whittington together, for years. My children, who are much younger than me, and who are cats, were completely flabbergasted and wouldn’t stop going on about it. I defended myself by saying, “So? At least I can drive, which is much more useful and important than not getting two stories that involve cats mixed up.”
Can Whittingdale, Hunt, Johnson, Trump, Goldsmith and Jong Un all just fuck off now please? They’ve had their fun. It’s time for them to go now.
Hey, YOU GUYS, thanks so much for coming to the tour show and for buying books afterwards. It’s been truly wonderful meeting you and chatting. You’ve all been ace. The only slightly odd date was Liverpool, where I ended up in a series of bizarre situations involving Ringo Starr, fascism, a very confident, inebriated man in a lift and paying for a wee. (All of these incidents are separate and not in any way connected). Here are the final dates. Still some tickets available for Dublin and Cardiff next week but other dates sold out now.
5th – Tobacco Factory, BRISTOL – 8pm – A BOOK FOR HER – 0117 9020344 TICKETS
9th – Sugar Club, DUBLIN – 8.30pm – A BOOK FOR HER – 0818 903001 TICKETS
10th – Sugar Club, DUBLIN – 8.30pm – A BOOK FOR HER – 0818 903001 TICKETS
11th – Glee Club, CARDIFF – 7.30pm – A BOOK FOR HER – 0871 472 0400 TICKETS
12th – Corn Exchange, BRIGHTON – 7.30pm – A BOOK FOR HER – 01273 709 709 TICKETS
I’m so sorry if you had tickets for Exeter and Shoreham. I had to be picked up in a car from my Premier Inn room in Canterbury, given a massive bucket and driven home, where I stayed very still for 2 whole days. This was easily THE most violent vomiting virus I have ever had. We are currently trying to re-schedule these dates so bear with us.
The funniest person IN THE WORLD is coming to London with her incredible book SHRILL and I’m going to be asking her about it. I am so excited about this guys, I can’t tell you. What an incredible privilege to talk to such an important and hilarious human being. Here’s the link.
Please. I am begging you. If you like my stuff please apply for free tickets for this. I think you have to mention a code word or something. The code word is CODE. I don’t want people who apply for game shows or whatever nabbing all the free tickets and then looking like they’re going to be physically sick. I can get that at home. Here’s the link.
The new show is about death guys. Mine. Yours. Everyone’s! Even Jeremy Hunt is going to die, so we’ve all got to start facing it I’m afraid. Yes. I’m going to fix death for all of us. Here are all the warm ups. Please come.
I’m starting to do more of this now but haven’t got time to tell you about it as I’m about to go on stage. I’ll tell you in the next newsletter.